Well we got into the argument about the computer,I didn't talk much for awhile. Then he starts treating me NICE. What is up with that. Does he have multiple personality disorder or something? Like i have said all along, I Love Him, and sometimes when we can talk and laugh like we did this weekend (without having to give OUT)it just makes things so jumbled in my mind I wish every weekend could be like this. But I don't want to read to much into it cause there is always next weekend. We got into a conversation about the girl he went out with, J, and he has finally seen what i meant about her being,and he even said it, A HOMEWRECKER. She only goes out with married men. which to me means that she doesn't want to commit and she grabs the ones who spend money on her and help her with the 'Cocaine' habit. He says she's a slut. well No SHIT. everytime we got into an argument about her i would tall him these things and he just wouldn't listen. But it's to a point where i don't know if i can trust what he says. Is he saying it so that i won't think something is going on? What he don't know is that i have someone watching them. I know it isn't right but i have given him 23 years of my life and i'll be damned if he is going to make me look pathetic. I always try to stay one step ahead of him. This just sounds so stupid because i never thought i would sink to this level in any relationship. Have i sunk to an all time low? I DON'T KNOW??? I refuse to sit around and think about this all the time. I really need to get my shit together and go on. BUT EVERYTIME I TRY ,,,I CAN'T. I have always been a very strong person and i used to know exactly what was going on in my relationship and with my kids and in control of knowing what was going on. WHAT HAPPEND? I truly hate this feeling. it gives me major anxiety and puts me into a total depression. Like i don't have enough medical problems that do that for me. He hates me being sick and in pain he can't handle that cause i can't do everything for him that i used to which was EVERYTHING. Now he has to help himself. GOD HELPS THOSE WHO HELP THEMSELVES. He has a hard time handling the fact that he now needs to help me. That's life so he ought to get used to it. Like i've probably said before, HE is part of the reason i am in so much pain due to the past physical abuse. it wasn't just a slap here and there let me tell ya. Well I guess I will let life take it's course and see what happends next weekend. angel
I bet the main reason that hes mad is because he knows that he is the one that put u in this situation. Don't u hate it sometimes that u type so fast that u forget to to type a letter or thought u typed it put just skipped right over it thats what is happening to me right now. So its taking me forever just to write this little piece of letter or comment or whatever.
I have told him that..He IS some of the reason i am in this shape. Sometimes he will take SOME of the blame and tell me how he will take only the blame that is his...WHAT EVER! he's ALOT of the reason i am in this shape. And i think i remember you asking how can they love you and treat you like they do. I really don't know the answer to that question, after 23 years you would think that i would. But what is even worse i think is the fact that ....how can we stay with someone who treats us like he don't love us. we just might figure that out one day. Let's hope we figure it out and work it out with the one we love right now.. But I really think that there is a man out there that knows how to treat a woman. ISN'T THERE???? i don't know. Anyway i am just babbling on. I know what you mean about typing to fast for the computer. I type 72 words a minute and i have to go back through and make sure it's right. But usually i just scan through and if it looks close GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME (GEFM)!!!!
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I wish every weekend could be like this. But I don't want to read to much into it cause there is always next weekend. We got into a conversation about the girl he went out with, J, and he has finally seen what i meant about her being,and he even said it, A HOMEWRECKER. She only goes out with married men. which to me means that she doesn't want to commit and she grabs the ones who spend money on her and help her with the 'Cocaine' habit. He says she's a slut. well No SHIT. everytime we got into an argument about her i would tall him these things and he just wouldn't listen. But it's to a point where i don't know if i can trust what he says. Is he saying it so that i won't think something is going on? What he don't know is that i have someone watching them. I know it isn't right but i have given him 23 years of my life and i'll be damned if he is going to make me look pathetic. I always try to stay one step ahead of him. This just sounds so stupid because i never thought i would sink to this level in any relationship. Have i sunk to an all time low? I DON'T KNOW??? I refuse to sit around and think about this all the time. I really need to get my shit together and go on. BUT EVERYTIME I TRY ,,,I CAN'T. I have always been a very strong person and i used to know exactly what was going on in my relationship and with my kids and in control of knowing what was going on. WHAT HAPPEND? I truly hate this feeling. it gives me major anxiety 
and puts me into a total depression. Like i don't have enough medical problems that do that for me. He hates me being sick and in pain he can't handle that cause i can't do everything for him that i used to which was EVERYTHING. Now he has to help himself. GOD HELPS THOSE WHO HELP THEMSELVES. He has a hard time handling the fact that he now needs to help me. That's life so he ought to get used to it. Like i've probably said before, HE is part of the reason i am in so much pain due to the past physical abuse. it wasn't just a slap here and there let me tell ya. Well I guess I will let life take it's course and see what happends next weekend. 
we just might figure that out one day. Let's hope we figure it out and work it out with the one we love right now.. 
I know what you mean about typing to fast for the computer. I type 72 words a minute and i have to go back through and make sure it's right. But usually i just scan through and if it looks close GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME (GEFM)!!!! 
